A Cry For Dating Etiquette Renewal

As a mother, I have witnessed several things about dating that are the trend with the current millennial  generation and I must admit that I am concerned and disappointed, to say the least.  Sadly, young people no longer have the  delightful opportunity to meet other singles in safe common areas.  They  distrust these meet-up scenarios due to scary outbreaks of shootings and muggings that are rampant in the news. They have had to resort to screening potential dates through internet dating sites. They have replaced phone conversations with texts and Facebook chats which understandably decrease ones ability to interpret  sincerity of motives or genuineness of character from voice inflections.

If your young people have happily met their significant other and gotten married, I congratulate you. You are in the minority, I think.  That leaves many of us still hoping and praying for the Mr. or Mrs. Right to come along.  I must continue to bite my nails as my children go out on dates with strangers in hopefully safe arenas.  I must continue to listen to their woes and disappointing stories, as those that they meet turn out quite different from what their profiles suggest or that they lead them to believe by brief interactions on their devices before meeting face to face. I don’t know how many times now, my daughter has gotten excited over a potential meeting to be stood up…travelling even long distances to make the connection. I also can relay several instances where the potential didn’t have the courtesy to thank her after the initial meeting but suddenly seemed to disappear in thin air from all links ie. “unfriending” her  leaving her to wonder what she did or did not do right. HOW RUDE!

How did this generation escape being taught the social etiquette that was drilled into us?  Saying  “please”, “thank you” or “excuse me” were sentiments that were spoken without thinking  in our generation. We showed respect for one another by responding to RSVP’s, sent “thank you” notes for gifts or to show gratitude. We dressed to make a good first impression. I am not talking about a suit and tie for guys or dresses for girls but at least it would be courteous to show that some thought and effort were made to look presentable.  Often dates these days think the more casual the better and wear sweats or shorts and a t-shirt as if the date was not important enough to take a shower for after going to the gym.

In the dating world of my generation, chivalry was not dead, and gentlemen were fairly plentiful. They had learned the do’s and don’ts when calling  on a lady.  They knew to open doors and pay for the meal. They would never leave a lady stranded somewhere or would not expect the lady to drive a long distance to meet. Even on a first date and even if there was not a love connection, they would walk her to her car, and would make sure she had gotten home safely after the meeting. Feminism hadn’t destroyed men’s attempts at showing manners.

Women on the other hand, were courteous enough not to order the most expensive item on the menu or choose the most expensive way to spend the date. They would give the guy a fair first chance at least and would thank him for taking her out afterwards even if there was no interest in a second date.  Usually,  it takes two dates to decide whether or not things go well as the first date is filled with nervousness and awkwardness.  Are young people today really that impatient or shallow? Perhaps so.

There are many girls now that think they can be friends with every guy.  What are the poor guys supposed to do about that? My son has two to three “friends” that won’t consider marriage but instead want to keep him hanging on as a friend indefinitely.  That seems pretty unfair and selfish to me.  It would be better to break it off for good than to lead a guy on to think that maybe one day the girl will give him another chance.


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